Technical fault

We've been in the darkness, but now we're back!

My laptop crashed.

This meant no pictures.

No Skype for Captain and Grandad.

No blogging.

But we've bought some big girl pants. This is how well that has been going.

Meanwhile, Captain has abandoned her high chair and now sits at the table like the rest of us.

This has made a huge difference for the better. She is much happier with this arrangement and actually likes sitting down for meals now.

She has also started walking most of the way into town.

This helps with the "leap of doom" or the 18 month leap, as some call it. At 19 months she has about hundred words, is learning new ones on a daily basis and stringing two together. "Looool youuu" and "bye mamma!" are big hits especially.

Since the last post, I've managed to stay awake for a whole movie* (once) and am still alive.

That's good, right?

*The Survivalist, in case anyone needs movie night ideas...

Things that go bump

Today has been stressful to a point where I've been flattened onto the sofa with a migraine.

Poor little Captain fell down the stairs this morning, and I saw it in slow motion. She was going down with Hubby and Mr. Buttons, but they went on ahead. I was upstairs folding washing and must have heard a noise, because I turned and saw her tumbling down.

I have never been so scared in my whole life.

I ran down, Hubby ran towards her from downstairs and caught her before she hit the floor. She cried and I held her until she calmed down, while throwing on my clothes with the other hand. Captain wanted porridge fingers and had a little walk around, which helped put my mind at ease a bit, but with a bump like that nothing really makes a mama completely calm. Mr. Buttons of course didn't handle his sister's crying all too well, and getting him to get ready felt like months. I managed to keep my shit together through that, and the wait at the emergency department. Through my little woman being terrified at the nurse and doctor looking at her in the middle of all the weird, beeping machines. Through her getting home and having a nap, through watching her like a hawk to make sure she's still breathing. Then we had to go to town, and that was very nearly the last straw for me. So I went for a coffee, just to sit down. And ended up meeting a mama I have briefly chatted to at different groups. She was by herself, while her son napped, and asked us to join her. Then another mama friend came in and sat with us too. I ended up pouring my heart out to them, and got so much warmth and support I actually cried a bit. And then we chatted and laughed, which I didn't think was going to be possible after the morning we'd had. Captain played with their boys and then we left to pick up Mr. Buttons.

Outside the school we met Hubby, who walked across the road to meet us with a very strange expression. I thought he was still in shock after someone drove into the back of his car after he'd dropped Mr. Buttons to school, until he said: "So, I told them my wife would be in tomorrow to pay the booking deposit, if that suits her... Sale agreed!"

I'm trying very hard not to get excited, seeing as we've done this dance before.
But Hubby's optimistic, superstitious mumblings of "Third time lucky, and two wrongs make a right" are starting to wear down my cynical realism.
So tomorrow we view Potential Home for the second time...
In the meantime, I'm off to prod my sleeping daughter to make sure she responds in her usual manner to being woken up. The doctor's notes referred to clutching a teddy or pulling up a blanket. In our case it'll be milk and snuggles, which are probably the best medicine for both of us after today's adventures...

Two special days at the end of the week...

It has been the ultimate lazy Sunday. Mr. Buttons had a friend visiting since yesterday morning and the two of them stayed in their jammies all day. Captain needed extra snuggles due to teething, so I put her on my back to get some cooking done. A friend of mine came over for a bit of lunch and numerous cups of tea and made the day even nicer by giving me an excuse to bake something chocolatey...

Teething toddler -tamed by Pomegranate

Quiche for dinner

                                                   And peanut butter brownies for dessert

It was nice to have a day at home just chilling, to balance out our big forest adventure yesterday. We went for a big walk and a picnic, and left phones and cameras home. You can just take my word for it; it was fabulous. I feel ready for the week ahead after such a refreshing weekend!

Rule 68

Today I have been very excited about this.

The rule of religion in Irish schools is slowly getting less and I am feeling hopeful.
Mr. Buttons is catholic, in as much as a boy his age can be considered to be, thanks to his mother. When we asked him, did he want to go ahead with his communion, he asked: "Can I still have the money if I don't?" When the answer was "no", off to mass he went. You've probably heard the term 'social Catholic', but our little darling needs a whole new term coined for him. A new generation 'Crafty Catholic', maybe?

Hubby is a former altar boy turned atheist turned agnostic.

My mother-in-law is all about the relics and straw from the crib at Christmas.

My dad believes in the Bible and God, but in his own quiet, live and let live kind of a way.

I have no religion, but have a passionate interest in all of them. My idea of a good time is listening to a representative of any religion talk about their views for hours on end. I was signed up to protestant type of Christianity at birth, but officially denounced my faith as soon as legally possible.

So, when The Captain arrived, it was clear to us that she would not be baptized into any faith. Instead, we had a naming ceremony, complete with oddparents, candles being lit, and her good, solid hippy name being revealed to the family who had gathered round. I planned it, catered it and did a better job than any stranger ever could have.

The only problem with this is, that because The Captain has a memory book instead of baptism certificate, she might not get a school place. Not only that, but anyone whose parents believe in a God of any sort in any way, will have a better chance of getting an education. This understandably upsets me. I find the fact that this is something I need to worry about when my daughter is only 18 months old simply ridiculous.

Not that long ago I read an article, where Archbishop Diarmuid Martin was complaining that parents were getting their children baptized only to gain access to schools. This did not make me warm to him, when for months I've had people asking me if I was baptizing Captain to get her a school place (No!) and was I concerned she might not get in (the answer is "yes, of course!").

This is why, for me, Rule 68 going away is good news.
It gives me hope that things are finally changing and my daughter and other little ones like her will have an equal access to education, regardless of their religion.

Rain, rain, go or stay...

Today we had some rainy day fun and called around to a friend's house for a play date.

This was our first time visiting her house, and it was interesting to see how differently the girls behaved in a new situation. We usually meet up in a café and the little ladies have more space to roam around in a neutral venue. This time the issue of sharing came up.

I'm a believer in not forcing sharing. When they're too small to understand the concept and don't particularly care about how the other child feels about not having a turn, no amount of talking is going to make a difference. So every time Captain picked up a toy, her friend would growl and snatch it off her hands. Surprisingly, Captain would just give it to her and go find something else. (At home, with her brother, she usually stands her ground) The same thing happened again and again, and she started getting upset, so I picked her up. We played a few clapping games and Captain had some milk, eventually falling asleep. Her friend went for a nap too, so us mamas got to have a chat. It was lovely and relaxing, and I feel I got to know my friend better too.

After that it has been a nice day full of rainy day things. Stew, fire, coloring, playing pretend and after-bedtime chilling out. Scout night is my television night, so I've been enjoying cooking programs and endless cups of de-caff coffee.

Womanly art...

There is an art gallery in town that myself and the Captain visit quite often.
Because of all the house business, a while had gone by between our art dates. So today we were walking by and decided to call in to see if our old favorites were still there. Anything with animals is a big hit with the littlest art critic, sculptures of old men are met with a growl.

The Captain still loved it, but there was one big difference.
She has learned to say "boob" since the last visit. To test her new communication skill, she pointed at every painting, sketch and sculpture with breasts and (with great delight) exclaimed: "BOOB!" This was followed by her looking at me smiling and waiting for me to confirm that this is what they indeed were. Myself and Hubby found this extremely amusing.

So, next time you visit an art gallery, play "Spot the breastfed toddler" by following delighted shouts of "Boob!" and please come and tell me how you got on!

Love is...

...filling in forms for your husband and writing letters to describe how ASD has shaped our family's life in the past few years, when he can't find the words.

I don't know if he understands how hard it was for me, for many reasons.
It's not nice easy for him to acknowledge these things, when it's his son wrapped up in medical terminology . His perfect baby, who saved his life eight years ago.
When someone is saying he's different, and in turn society says there is something wrong.
When he has to face all the things  we're not able to give him or just can't afford at the moment. When he's wondering, should he have somehow know before the diagnosis.
When he's blaming himself for so much.

I don't blame him for forgetting I love Mr. Buttons too.

On some level it was therapeutic too, like someone listened to how this feels for me, which had made it easier being able to support Hubby too.

So, with a calmer, clearer head, I wait to hear news about the latest squeeze in house form.
On my side, it was love at first sight...