Tears and dinner parties

Yesterday was a strange day.

I went to my therapy session and cried for fifty minutes solid.
Then I bought a dress from a charity shop and went to meet Hubby and Captain.
I did the shopping and cooked a three-course meal, cleaned the house and hosted my in-laws, while feeling I should've actually been under a blanket with a hot chocolate.
When they left, I got the chance to try our new shower for the first time.

It was better than any meditation.
I brought a candle with me and stood under the water, watching the raindrops on our courtyard and smelling the lovely, freshly cut timber on the ceiling.
Best damn shower ever.
Ever.

And I cried again.

What I have learned from this:

1) My cakes rise better with tears.

2) Sometimes not having many doors is a good thing. (Obviously not so much, when the Irish winter kicks in)

3) I am now someone who gets excited about tiles, a well-functioning shower and lampshades.

4) Spending most of your day trying to get yourself dehydrated by crying makes you feel like floating.

What have you been up to? What makes you excited these days?

Today I had an unexpected hour to myself.
I tried on a ridiculously expensive skirt, just for fun.
Had a hot cup of coffee. Was alarmed to have such hot liquid touch my lips. Didn't burn myself.

I also went to an assessment for therapy.
It was a big deal for me, because this is the first time I chose to ask for help.
Now I wait for an appointment.

Later Hubby brought us to the house and gave me my birthday present early.
He had gone to my favourite art gallery and bought the piece I have been visiting for months.
He hung it on the wall and there it was, waiting for me when I turned around.
Such a thoughtful thing to do...

Strange kind of a day.
Hubby asked if I felt good strange or bad strange, but I haven't found the answer quite yet.

Hugs are the best medicine

After all the stress building up over the last while, I had a panic attack yesterday.

I used to get them quite frequently when I was younger, but have only had one or two since I stopped drinking nearly six years ago. That's why yesterday scared me.

Myself, Hubby and Captain were meeting a friend for a coffee, when I started finding it hard to catch my breath. My heart started racing and no amount of yoga breathing was working to settle me. I felt myself slip further and further away from the table. My whole body felt like I wasn't fully in it and trapped inside at the same time. Tears filled my eyes and I finally managed to tell Hubby I needed to go.

He got a big pile of treats, lit a fire and settled me on the sofa as soon as Captain was asleep. It's safe to say the movie never got watched, because I was in exhausted sleep within minutes of my head hitting the sofa.

This morning I'm feeling better. Not perfect, but ok. And that's fine.

Captain is up where she belongs, having a lovely wrap nap. Have you ever tried to be completely miserable with a toddler wrapped to you? Try it, I dare you! It is as impossible as catching a toddler before your first cup of coffee...